Welcome once again to “This Week in NHL Stupid”. As you know, we track the silly, ugly and just plain stupid in the world of hockey. Now this week, we have to return to basics, because some players have forgotten the proper way to use a stick. Sticks, in hockey, are used to handle, pass, and shoot pucks. For those who are advanced, they can even do something like this:
But some have been a little too inclusive on what you can, and are allowed to do with a hockey stick. For example, sticks are not to be used to spear somebody in the face, Gustav!
I’d like to think the only reason Gustav Nyquist got only six games because the NHL believed his assertion that as he wound up his stick to retaliate with a cross check, it hit the glass and changed direction and hit Jared Spurgeon in the face. Which is great because the NHL is all like “Well you meant to inflict less pain, we’ll let you off light.” Awesome.
Also, you’re not allowed to use your stick to smack an official, Antoine!
Antoine Vermette’s slash of an official may have seemed like a less heinous act than what Nyquist did, but you can’t do that to an official. Officials aren’t built like hockey players. And they certainly don’t wear as much padding. They should be able to do their job worry free. And that line can’t be moved to include love taps because “what’s the harm.” No. Bad Vermette. Bad.
Now, on a different plane, you shouldn’t be allowed to do whatever Mike Smith did with his stick here:
I can’t wait for next season’s regular feature on Puck Drunk Love: This Week in Mike Smith Handling the Puck.
And by the way, for all the consternation by the Bob Errey about Smith playing the puck in the restricted area, the rule clearly states that the puck has to be played “behind the net” for it to be a penalty. And Smith waited until the puck was on the line to play it (and cough it up for an easy goal). So Bob, you can stop calling for a penalty now.
So to complete the lesson on what not to do with sticks, let’s end with some positive reinforcement: Let Coyotes prospect Dylan Strome show you the right way to use a stick, even though it wasn’t his own stick:
See, and he even gave back the stick as well.
I hope you’ve all gotten a good education in what you can, and can’t do with a hockey stick. Tune in next week when we show you the wrong way to wear shin pads.